Darlene

Darlene is the sweetheart of the local chicken coop.
She fusses over all the nesting hens, and shoos away the roosters that bother the chicks.
At night, she sings at the local speak-easy and dreams of winning a recording contract and living the drug-fuelled, sex-filled, shallow life of a pop star.

Millie

Millie has been petrified for two days. Her owner came home drunk, mistook her for the VCR and shoved a tape in her mouth. Millie has tried to dial the RSPCA but her paws are too fat.

Bertie

Bertie is an unclassified animal. It hated not knowing who it was.
Every time it to had to tick male or female in a form
it had a mild hysterical fit. One day Bertie tied on some butterfly wings,
dammit it thought if a bumblebee could defy the laws of gravity
so could it.

Jim & Wayne

Jim and Wayne had a special relationship. Jim was the sun
that Wayne wished he had.

PS: Wayne didn't actually win a race, he just bought
the 1st medal from the $2 shop.

Bob

Bob hated being called Hooty. His real name was Robert

but everyone knew that Bob was the best nickname the world.

Benji

Everyone loved Benji as he was a very happy dog.

Even when he was upset, like the time his owner tried to dress him up
in a fairy, sparkly coat and a headband with stars his tail still wagged.

Dr Montlebahn

Dr. Montlebahn was an angry cheese. He knew he stank

but he didn’t care. Some days he picked pieces from his body
and put in unsuspecting lady’s handbags.
Oh how he laughed when they couldn’t figure out
why they smelled so much.

Rodney

Rodney had no feet, though he didn’t mind.
He loved zooming downhill in his trolley
but sometimes he got a speeding fine.

Hortence

Hortence used to enjoy watering plants. Though due to

water restrictions all that came to an end.
Now she DJ’s at the local discotheque.

Elmer

You might think that Elmer looks scared but he’s not.
When he was five he went to the hairdresser
and she slicked his feathers so far back it made his retina’s shrink.

Steve

Steve could sometimes look at the sky and the ground
at the same time. He was eyedextris.

Geraldine

Geraldine loved to put her glasses on.
She thought they made her look cool and hide the fact
that her face was much too long for her body.

Geraldine sometimes took her glasses off.
If a good looking cat sashayed her way she wanted to make sure
he knew that she was winking at him.